Ladies and Gentlemen we live now in an unfortunate time; world’s end is upon us. A civilization that could not even prevent its own untimely demise has correctly predicted the end of the world. Because some Mayan calendars that archaeologists found end in 2012, we all know that these omniscient peoples have labeled this year the “End of the World.” Much the same as the average American calendar ending in December every year correctly predicts the demise of the universe. In 2012, just as the Mayans’ prophetic calendar foretold, the world will end, but not the way most realize. In 2012 the US National Debt will be larger than US GDP and set off a domino effect of factors that will lead to the end of the financial world. Luckily for all of you, I have a solution. You’re welcome, but hold your applause until the end.
The biggest deadweight holding our society back, not to mention running up debt to no end, are retired peoples. Do they contribute anything to the hard-working, blue collared US of A besides nothing at all? No! Yes, there is only one solution: Medicare needs to change from a system of health benefits for the elderly into a human culling organization. On their sixty-fifth birthdays, instead of earning retirement payments, all retired peoples would be, should be, euthanized.
Medicare spending added up to $480 Billion in 2008 and is only getting larger as American people live longer and the United States population ages. Killing off, instead of spending half-a-trillion dollars on, these people would surely change the world. It would be low-cost, need no marketing, and be entirely without controversy. This plan needs no Facebook Fan Page, no Twitter, no Viral Marketing, nor Subservient Chickens. It needs only a shotgun and a back alley, and hopefully a few illegal immigrants to do the shooting. Perhaps we could even use the corpses to feed Africans and homeless Americans. We cannot even agree on health care anyway, why should the old or the infirm receive it? This is, without question, a foolproof way to save the world and finally stick it to those party-pooping, parade-raining Mayans. I’m ready to make $450 billion; who’s with me?
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